Friday, March 18, 2011

My weight loss journey.

The moment I said I need to make a change…..

I hate saying that I started my “diet” in January. It’s so cliché. So typical of so many average Americans who make their New Year’s Resolution to lose weight.

For me, the New Year didn’t have a lot to do with it. Often, when someone wants to lose weight, it’s usually when something happens….maybe a “wow” moment, or a comment from someone else, or an upcoming event or even a New Year’s Resolution. For me, the moment I said I need to make a change and the reason I decided it was time to lose weight was this picture……

I can NOT believe I just posted this picture. If it was printed out, I would have cut it up, burned it and then flushed it down the toilet. Yet, here it is in digital form, acting as my motivation to look and feel better.

The picture was taken the first week of January of this year, while Jared and I were on our cruise. We were on Disney’s Castaway Cay, enjoying a day of pure paradise. As I sat there with a drink in my hand (well, I think I sat it down at that point but I was drinking it), reading a book and basking in the sun, I felt great. I remember Jared saying that I looked sexy and he grabbed the camera and took a picture. I knew he was taking it. Why didn’t I care?

Because, get this….I FELT SEXY!!! Pshhhh!!!

Looking at the picture now, what the heck was I thinking?

Maybe it was the drinks….
Maybe it was my new bathing suit….
Maybe I was in a pure relaxation mode….
Maybe the sun was frying my brain…..

Don’t know, but something should have triggered in my brain, saying to me “Hey X-Tina, you might feel sexy sitting there BUT guess what…..ummm, you might want to delete that picture while it’s in a small preview mode on back of the camera.”

I didn’t listen to that voice.
Instead, when I got home, I downloaded all my pictures and then go to view them on the computer screen. Not just any computer screen…..of course it has to be the 15 inch screen that shows every detail.

Every detail of this picture.

After the download was complete, I was smiling going through all the pictures.

“Oh look, that’s me and Mickey.”
“Oh this boat area here is new.”
“Here’s my favorite palm tree.”
“This is when we went bike riding”

And that’s when it happened…..
I clicked the arrow to advance to the next photo….THAT PHOTO.

And instead of saying “that’s me relaxing on the beach”, I think I blurted out “What the heck were you thinking Jared?!?! I thought you said I looked sexy!” Yep, that’s what I said along with a few choice words but I’ll leave those out.

At first, I blamed Jared for taking the picture. Why would he do that to me?
But then I got to thinking….I do feel sexy. Not just in that picture but in everyday life….

I feel sexy.
I love who I am.
I feel beautiful.
I am comfortable in my skin.
I feel sexy.

So at that very moment, I realized I don’t look the way I feel. I feel better than I look.

How is that possible?
I look in the mirror. I know what I see.
You look at me. I know what you see.
Yet, they are so different.

For example, take someone who is obviously 2 sizes smaller than me, and I will think we are the same size. The numbers will say one thing but in my head of mine, I think we are the same.

How is that even possible?
Whatever it is, at that moment…..The moment when I realized I don’t look as good as I feel, is when I decided I needed to lose weight.

When I decide I am going to do something, I do it.
I am a very impatient person. When I want something, I want it now.

This weight loss journey I am on now….well, it is hard.
I mean hard.
It’s not coming off as fast as I want it to. Doesn’t it understand I am impatient? Doesn’t it know that I want it off now? Nope.
Why not?

I like to blame something so I am going to blame the number 36. That’s right, my age of 36. When I tried to lose weight back in 2008, I went from 195 to 163 in 2 months. That was ONLY 3 years ago. And by the way, that was a New Year’s Resolution that well…didn’t continue past 2 months. Typical.

I remember how easy the weight dropped off back then. Sure, I ate healthy and worked out 4 days a week but it was fairly easy for the pounds to fall off. So here I am 3 years later, and I am doing the exact same thing, and the weight is not falling off. That’s why I am blaming the number 36. They say the older you get, the harder it is to lose weight. Well my friends, BELIEVE IT.

And actually, I am working out 5 days a week. Last week? Yep, 6 times. I even tried ZUMBA last week for the first time. Imagine me, the person with not only 2 left feet but 3 left feet. If that’s even possible. Well, if it was, that would be me! My coordination is pathetic.

And how is that even possible? How can someone like me be so uncoordinated?
I think that is the worst punishment on someone.
Ugly teeth? Dentist can fix them.
Bad eyes? Get some glasses.
Pale skin? Go to the tanning bed.
Funky hair? Get a wig (just ask my mom)
Small boobs? Hello enhancements.

Anyway, I am digressing….the point is, I am soooo uncoordinated and it can’t be fixed. So I will continue on and maybe even try Zumba again…besides, I can’t really be as bad as I look, right? (I am noticing a trend here!)

So my starting weight on the day I looked at the picture above.
Stop looking at it would ya?
Once is enough.
Anyway, starting weight on January 10th, 2011 was 193. That was also the day I drank my last Diet Coke.

I weighed in on March 1st and I was 181.
Just the other day, I broke the 170’s!!! Wahooo!!!!

So right now, I am 179. That’s a loss of 14 pounds if you are keeping track. My first goal was to lose 10% of my weight. I am only FIVE pounds off!

I know I can do this. Yes, it is hard, but the payoffs will be worth it.
Somedays it is harder than others. Particularly on the nights I stop and have a drink with the girls or go out for the evening. Who knew there were so many calories in one Blue Moon!?!?! Don’t the calories cancel out if it’s served with a fruit? I even ask for extra orange. That has to count for something right?

Yeah, probably not. I know that! And I know I can do this!

To be continued....

No comments: