last day of 2010

So here it is the last day of 2010....all ready!
Here it is 2:55 am and I have yet to get to bed. When I am pissed off I can't sleep.
It is times like right now when I miss my best friend.
It is times like right now where I could call her to vent.
But I can't.
I wish I could call heaven.
But I can't.
So instead I am sitting here using my blog to vent. Maybe I will be able to sleep after this. I am not one to air out my dirty laundry so I won't.
I can't.

Since it is the last day of the year, maybe I will reflect on this past year and look forward to the new year.

2010 brought me....

• Took my first ever cruise. I loved it and want to take future cruises. I love that it is a floating resort.
• Registered to become a foster parent. It'll never happen. Not as long as I am with Jared. All we have to do attend the classes. But we won't. I resent that and it'll be a regret that I will have one day.
• Came clean to Jared that I cheated on him back in 2006. It was one time. It wasn't even sex. I just couldn't handle the guilt any longer. I felt so bad for hurting him. Felt....past tense. It's nights like tonight that I remember why I did it.
• Stuff. I recently came to the realization that I have too much "stuff". Things I don't need. Things that add no value to my life. This will lead to one of my New Years resolutions to purge!
• Books. I used to hate to read. I mean hate to read. This year I picked up a book for the first time. I have read 6 books this year and ya know what? I liked it.
• Scrapbooking. I continue to scrapbook and I still love it. I love preserving the stories. The memories. The reasons why I continue to live.
• Alcohol. I'm not proud of this but it is part of this year. For a long time after Lynnette's death, I couldn't touch it. I live with an alcoholic. I hate it. But I became stressed out and had a drink one night. It calmed me down. It made me feel better. That's how it starts.....with one drink. As much as I hate that...it has shown me how easy it was for Lynn to become sick so fast.
• 3 wonderful boys. They are the light of my life. The reason I live. I would do anything for them and I am so proud of the young men they are becoming. Motherhood is the greatest blessing and I thank God everyday for the opportunity.

2011 will bring me....

• well since I mentioned it earlier, less clutter. Maybe I will look into selling things on E-bay. I can then save that money for another cruise :)
• Organize. If I have less stuff, I think I will become more organized. It's not that I am unorganized now, I am but I hate having a pile of mail sitting in the dining room. I hate having a junk drawer.
• More books....I want to continue to read which also means.....
• Less TV. Do I really care what happens on Amazing Race? Survivor? I mean seriously, it's not a positive influence on my life. If its not a positive influence, get rid of it.
• I need to find a way to relax in the evening without having a drink. I think a quiet spot in my bedroom will do the trick. I so miss having quiet time. Just for me.  I hate sleeping with the TV on so.....
• I will not sleep with the TV on. I mean, I don't have to now but its more of a habit. IF Jared sleeps with me, yes IF, he HAS to have the TV on. I hate that. It's going off. If he doesn't like it, he can go sleep on the couch where he normally is anyway.
• Jared. Something has to change. That's all I can say on a public blog.
• Me. Something has to change. Self- respect. Self-confidence. Something has to change. Something besides the obvious physical appearance. But I do want to....
• Run a marathon. Stop laughing. Seriously, its on my bucket list. I know it won't happen in 2011 but maybe a half-marathon? I said stop laughing. After the cruise, I am going to get back to the gym and get back in shape. I WILL lose 25 pounds in 2011. I just have to have.......
• Faith. Faith in myself and spiritual faith. I need to take the boys to church every Sunday. There is no excuse for this. Only laziness. It is my responsibility to make sure they make it to heaven. How are they suppose to do that without having a stronger faith....
• Happy. My smile that everyone loves for some reason....I want to feel that smile on the inside too. I think it can happen if I make the changes I want to make so.....

HERE'S TO THE NEW YEAR!!!! Bring on 2011!!!!
there is a better person waiting inside of you....
what are you waiting for...
people are counting on you.....
there are changes to be made....



Maybe you can't.
BUT I CAN.

Christmas

My sweet great-nephew on Christmas Day!!!

He can't talk but I know he had a great first Christmas!

It seems like just yesterday that my boys were celebrating their first Christmas. They are getting big, way too fast. This year they woke us up at 4:46am to open presents. Before presents we had to take some Christmas morning PJ pictures.

Here I am with my boys (at approx 4:50am.....YAWN!!!!!)

Hope you had a good Christmas, I know we did!

More Facebook crap

So this number game is going on over on Facebook.

I'm not going to lie....it's really annoying.

I mean REALLY annoying.

You send people a number in their inbox and they will post something on their wall with that number, so only you know its about you. I sent some people my number and this is what they are saying....

April Sunny Ramsey-Holtzclaw ‎#1674- Woman, you are a nut, and I absolutely LOVE that about you! You are open and honest (both things that I admire) while keeping your belief in magic – a true feat these days. I feel so blessed to know you!


Susanne Warner #‎1674: you took Crystal and I to kings island w/ some dude in a buick and jammmmmed to up where we belong and that song where it goes, people say we're crazy, what do they know?, maybe we can make it if we're heart to heart, or something like that...hahaaa. I thought u were real cool bc u were older. then we lost touch until recently, and its nice to be back n touch with u, ur like part of our family now. :)
 
Tanesha Blankenship ‎1674--A fun spirit who knows how to hide the naughty behind professionalism! I have a lot to learn!!! :)


Chad Christopher Michael McDevitt #‎1674 definitly a freak!!, but i wouldn't want to have it any other way lol. have known ya for almost 10 years now and i should have known from the get go how you'd be haha, it's funny seeing the 2 sides of you that i see....from on here involving your family stuff, and then the other side of your personality....the true you side lol but both are enjoyable and we definitly have some good convos
 
Porsha Thompson ‎#1674 kick ass last name personality to match bcuz yu dnt tke no shit!

Shane Marquis ‎1674: I'm glad I got to learn what I had to learn from you. You managed to take a subject that isn't fun at all and you made it fun to learn with the great sense of humor and energy you brought to the classroom. I wasn't expecting to have fun and make a lot of good memories at that place. So this is me saying damn you for making it s...o fun! Once reality hit and we had to go to work, I wanted to become an alcoholic!.......Hahaha..Seriously though, I think you're a great person and I'm glad we met and still keep in touch here on Fb.

Ami Carpenter ‎# 1674- I just recently met you. You seem well grounded and I like that about you. When someone says something that makes no sense your face expressions crack me up. Your really outgoing and I feel I can trust you with anything. Thanks for being there though my little mental breakdown last week and being so understanding. I hope I still see you after Friday! It's not going to be the same without you there!

 
Okay, it's annoying to read all the other numbers but I have to admit, it was fun finding my number and seeing what they said about me.
 
And this my friends, is reason number 1674 why I am addicted to the internet!!!

$*&# my mom says!!!

I just got back from spending 4 magical days in WDW with my mom last week.


Here we are on the plane. So excited to leave!

On the Big Thunder Mountain Railroad....

In France with a delicious drink....

In Italy....

Mickey's handprints at Planet Hollywood...

So my point of this post is to keep track of my facebook status updates from the trip. My sister Crystal said I should have made a journal but since that won't happen, I still wanted to keep track of the posts here.

So in order, here they are.

Just landed after having a delay in Indy because of storms. A baby whined the whole time and the lady beside me had her shirt inside out and kept popping her gum. I finally asked mom to stop....

Just met the princesses and mom didn't even know who they were. I think that qualifies for park eviction.




Mom and I were talking about Disney Cruise Line. She was shocked when I told her we went to the Bahamas so I said where did you think it went. She said "here" (as in WDW) ummm....nearest ocean is 2 hrs away...



Happy birthday to my brother Randy! My mom just said she always feels like crap on her kids birthdays because she thinks her body goes through the labor process again. Yep, 47 yrs later.


Mom just looked at the palm of her hand and asked me which one is the life line. I said I didn't know. She said someone once told her she was going to live until she's 91. Hope so...who would we smile at?


I just made a pressed penny and mom said make sure u don't spend it.


Omg. We are in UK and they have a store full of Beatles stuff and mom says I thought the Beatles were from London.


mom just started to say something and she said instead "never mind, it'll end up on Facebook"
 

Mom "do you have to go potty"
Me "no"
Mom "when did you go?"
Me "back there"
Mom "where?"
...Me "does it really matter? I don't have to go POTTY!" Geez :)



We are eating dinner in Mexico and are so stuffed we can't finish everything so mom says "my dogs wouldn't be very happy with me right now"


We slept in today, so I handed mom the remote and told her to find Regis and Kelly. She does but I see it go from channel 9 to channel 10 back to channel 9, back to 10...this goes on about 8 times when I finally say do you realize you are on the same channels? Her reply "nuh eh, I'm hitting the down bu ...uhh, no I'm n...ot, I was hitting the previous channel button."


bought a big bag of my favorite jelly bellies last night, sizzling cinnamon. I had a few laying out to eat this morning and mom says "do you want a swig of this diet coke to take your pills?" Me: "What pills? Those are my jelly beans" "oh" she says.


Omg she is rubbing off on me! I just had a Bertie moment ....I was looking everywhere for the lid to my cup and it was in my hand!!!


We are eating creamed brulee, which is delicious, and mom says "would you be embarrassed if I licked this dish clean" ......"ummm, at this point, nope!"


Now I know why mom gets lost. She pays attention to people all around her while I pay attention to the landmarks, buildings and things that don't change.


Definition of TMI: your mom telling you its been 6 years since she has made whoopie.


So today when I was at the pool, mom decides to join me so and I see her walking towards me but she doesn't see me. She is squinting, looking all around for me when I am 5 feet from her. So I say to her "ma'am, are you looking for someone?" And she replies "Christina" and I say "I'm right here"......"oh" she replies. ...So I wonder if a random person would've known who Christina was :)


so mom's Yahtzee game broke and she had to throw it away this morning. We got back to the room right now and she got it back out of the garbage to see if it works yet. This place is magical but not that magical.


My mom doesn't know a stranger. She talks to everyone around her. The other night when we were in line for the princesses, she was bent over talking to a chatty 6 year old girl about her first trip here. As mom was in full sentence, the girl interrupts mom to say "you just spit on me".


Mom says nothing is funny today because we have to go home tonight.


I just volunteered us for exit row seats. Mom asked what that means so I told her. She doesn't believe me so I told her I wouldn't joke about that. Actually with every question of hers that I answer, she never believes me. She said its because of her joke-sters son in laws. Gee thanks.



some of my favorite comments....
 
Brittany Elizabeth said: ok so Im wasting time in between my classes, so I start reading all your statuses about Grandma..and I LOLed for real and all the people around me gave me a weird look. Love you guys! have fun!
 
Deena Miller Gindling said: I don't know your mom but have enjoyed your posts today...its so neat you guys are having this time together!

Rebecca Retzner Wilhelm said: your posts are cracking me up.. I have actually been reading my favorites out loud in the office.. how many more days? thanks for all the LOLs.. :)

Jenny Gindling said:  It sounds like you two really enjoyed your trip! I wish I could have done something like this with my mom. I really miss her. Treasure your time together!

Anne Johnson said:  You need to take your mom on more trips, this has been very entertaining!

Marcia Boles Bauman said:  You have got to STOP it! You are killing me with these. I think they should rename that sitcom "S*#T my mom says...."

Melissa Bauman said:  Love her too......but ya know what makes it all the more funny, half the times she has no idea why we laugh at the things she says! lol

April Sunny Ramsey-Holtzclaw said: roflmao! Your Mom sounds like she may be akin to Rose from Golden Girls.... does she ever tell stories about things with names you couldn't spell if you had to? ;)



Okay....I think that should be a good starter for my journal. Whatcha think?

what I did on my day off....

I did a total of 8 pages. What a great day off!!!!

Scrapbooking

I love scrapbooking. In my groove lately.

I made this during my first ever speed scrap challenge.

Then I made this for another challenge at mousescrappers.com. I love how it turned out!

Hope you are having a wonderful weekend!

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day! I didn't do much today. This weekend starts off in a sad way. I took the day off of work on Friday. It has been one year since we lost Lynnette so I went and spent some time at the gravesite. As upsetting as it was, I found it so peaceful just sitting there talking to her. I miss her so much but sitting there talking and praying made me feel.....I don't know....connected to her. As tears went down my face, I would remember our crazy and good times together and a smile would come to my face. My facebook status on Friday said...."One year ago today I lost my best friend...Today I remember the life you lived and the things you taught me. I can still see your smile and hear your laugh. Holding on to that is all I have left. I will never forget you. I wish you were here, I miss you, still love you, and no matter what, you are always in my heart....Love you Lynnette!"

Today, I decided to start my 2010 Disney vacation album. Jared and the boys were working on the landscaping so I had some time to myself. Here's what I got done:

I am so happy to have it started! I better go get a few more pages finished while I am on a roll!

First movie

On the way to the Krogers this afternoon, Nolan made the words ET out of his pretzels. Then he tells me he has never watched the ET movie. So guess what we are getting ready to watch? ET!!! This was the first movie that I saw in the movie theatres. What was your first movie?

Where is freedom of speech?

I am still having an extremely hard time understanding how a co-worker can be terminated by her status on facebook when her profile is private and with no mention of the company.....hmmmm....now I wonder if I'll be next...Seriously? Where does it stop? Is this blog monitored? What do I do when you work for a company where you don't believe in their policies and procedures???

Disney Depression

This time last week we were on our way back from an amazing trip!!! 4 days in Walt Disney World and a 4 night Disney cruise. It's been a week and I am still getting settled in. I'm thinking I might do a trip report. Until then, here's one of my favorite pics of the trip....

I want to go back!!!

Tap Tap Tap.....hello, is anyone there???

It's me. X-tina. Remember me? It's the new year (hello 2010!) and time to make a new post. I have so many things to look forward to this year!!! 2010 has got to be better than last year. I don't know what it has in store, but I'm trying to keep a positive outlook!



How about you? Have you made a New Years resolution? I subscribe to Jon Gordon's newsletter and his latest newsletter got me thinking. Here's his 20 tips for a Positive New Year. I hope you can use a tip or two of his for a great 2010!!!



http://www.jongordon.com/newsletter-010410-20tips.html